The Power of Giving Yourself Permission to Change Your Mind

Today, I want to delve into the concept of giving yourself permission to change your mind. Reflecting on my own life, I can see that allowing myself to completely scrap visions I had labored over and start anew has brought me closer to living a life in greater alignment. Conversely, clinging to an outdated idea of how things should be has created immense difficulties and despair.

From a psychoanalytic perspective, this reluctance to change our minds isn’t just about indecision or lack of commitment; it’s about our deeper, unconscious fears and the meanings we attach to our decisions. Giving ourselves permission to change our minds is an act of letting go—of surrendering to the unknown and trusting that a new, better path will emerge only when we clear the slate and open ourselves up to new possibilities. But why is this so hard?

The Unconscious Fear of Letting Go

Our resistance to change is deeply rooted in our unconscious mind. We often cling to relationships, visions of our lives, or expectations long past their expiry date because of unresolved conflicts and fears that lie beneath the surface.

1. The Sunk Cost Fallacy and Loss Aversion: One explanation for this resistance is the sunk cost fallacy, a concept that explains how we continue a behavior because of the time, energy, resources, or effort we’ve already invested. Our brains are wired to avoid pain more than to seek pleasure, and studies show that we don’t treat loss and gain equally. We’ll go to great lengths to avoid feeling loss, which keeps us stuck in situations that no longer serve us.

This is where the psychoanalytic perspective becomes particularly illuminating. The discomfort we feel at the prospect of changing course is not just about losing the investment we’ve made; it’s about the deeper meanings we unconsciously attach to that loss. For many of us, letting go can trigger feelings of failure, inadequacy, and even shame—emotions that are often buried deep within our unconscious.

2. Fear of the Unknown and the Ego’s Defense Mechanisms: Sigmund Freud’s theories on the ego and defense mechanisms shed light on another reason we resist change. The ego, which seeks to protect us from anxiety and discomfort, often employs defense mechanisms such as denial, rationalization, and repression to keep us in familiar, albeit unfulfilling, situations. Changing our minds requires us to confront these defenses, which can be deeply unsettling.

The fear of the unknown—what will happen if we let go of our current path?—can be overwhelming. Our minds may conjure up worst-case scenarios, leading us to believe that sticking with the familiar is safer, even if it’s not aligned with our true desires. This fear is often rooted in early childhood experiences, where the need for security and predictability was paramount. As adults, we may unconsciously equate change with danger, making it difficult to embrace new possibilities.

The Importance of Embracing Uncomfortable Emotions

What I’ve learned over the years is that giving ourselves permission to change our minds is less about the intellectual decision-making process and more about our willingness to sit with the uncomfortable emotions that arise. Feelings of loss, guilt, resentment, and sadness are natural when we let go of something we’ve invested in deeply. However, avoiding these emotions only perpetuates the fallacy and keeps us trapped in a cycle of fear and regret.

It is important to bring these unconscious feelings to the surface. By acknowledging and processing our emotions, we can begin to shift our decision-making from one driven by fear to one driven by empowerment and possibility. This process is not easy, but it’s essential for true growth and transformation.

The Liberation of Changing Your Mind

The act of giving yourself permission to change your mind is not just a practical decision; it’s a profound psychological and emotional shift. It’s about being willing to soften when our natural instinct is to harden, to trust in the unknown, and to embrace the uncomfortable emotions that come with letting go. It’s about recognizing that no emotion is too scary or overwhelming when we consider the cost of clinging to what no longer serves us—our vitality, sacred energy, and connection to abundance.

In the end, changing our minds is not a sign of weakness or indecision. It’s a powerful, liberating act that brings us closer to our truest path. By cultivating mindfulness, self-awareness, and a deep trust in our inner knowing, we can begin to navigate the complexities of life with greater ease, authenticity, and joy. And that, I believe, is the gateway to living a life in alignment with our highest purpose.