Healing Happens in Relationships, but Not All Relationships Are Healing

Healing is fundamentally relational, yet not every relationship fosters healing, nor can every relationship be healed.

Human beings are inherently social creatures, shaped by the relational environments in which we develop. Our sense of self is constructed through interactions with others—our caregivers, communities, and cultural surroundings. The mind, especially in early development, is wired for attachment, meaning that the ways in which our attachment figures respond to us directly shape our capacity to relate to the world. This underscores the psychoanalytic understanding that the individual’s sense of identity and emotional health is deeply intertwined with their relationships. In essence, there is no "I" without "we."

Emotions, therefore, are not purely internal experiences; they arise in response to our interactions with the world and those around us. They are shaped by relational contexts, with the way others react to or engage with us influencing how we come to feel about ourselves and our experiences. In this light, many of the struggles people face, such as addiction or eating disorders, can be understood as manifestations of relational trauma, attachment wounds expressed through maladaptive coping mechanisms. These behaviors, in a sense, communicate unmet needs or unresolved emotional pain.

Self-help literature often suggests that healing is an individual process, achievable through personal insight and cognitive shifts. While there is value in self-reflection, it is not the isolated application of concepts that brings about healing. Rather, it is the relational context in which these ideas are absorbed and integrated that fosters change. Healing, even in the context of self-help, occurs through relationships—whether it be with a teacher, a community, or oneself. It is the attunement, understanding, and connection experienced within these relationships that allows for true transformation.

At its core, emotional well-being is relationally rooted. Joy, self-love, and inner fulfillment do not arise in a vacuum; they are nurtured by healthy, reciprocal relationships that provide mirroring, validation, and attunement. However, not every relationship is inherently healing. Some may be characterized by toxicity or imbalance, and not all relationships can or should be preserved in the name of healing. Ending a relationship, in some cases, can be the very act that initiates healing, as it allows for the possibility of new, more supportive relational dynamics to emerge.

This is not to say that every relational rift must be mended in order for an individual to heal. Rather, healing requires an understanding that the inner self is deeply connected to one’s relational health. A thriving inner life is interdependent with thriving relationships, but this doesn’t imply that all relationships must be sustained or restored. Sometimes, the healing comes from recognizing when a relationship cannot serve one’s emotional well-being and taking the necessary steps to protect and prioritize one’s mental health.

The process of navigating relationships, especially when they feel chaotic, overwhelming, or frightening, is deeply individual. It is best understood and explored within the context of a supportive therapeutic relationship. A skilled therapist can offer the space to process these relational dynamics, help disentangle maladaptive patterns, and guide the individual toward healthier, more fulfilling connections—both within and outside of themselves. This is where true healing begins, within the relational container of therapy, offering the patient the opportunity to experience a reparative, attuned relationship that may have been lacking in earlier life experiences.

In this way, healing in relationships is a profound journey, one that is often messy and nonlinear. It asks of us to engage, reflect, and sometimes release. But it also offers the chance to reconnect with parts of ourselves that have been hidden, denied, or fractured. Through relationships, we find the possibility of integration, growth, and ultimately, healing.