Why We Silence Other Women
The dynamics of how women interact with one another have been heavily influenced by societal structures, particularly the patriarchal system. Psychoanalytic theory can offer insights into the unconscious processes at play in these interactions, revealing how deeply embedded societal norms shape our behaviors, often in ways we are not fully aware of.
The tendency for women to undermine each other can be seen as a manifestation of internalized oppression. The patriarchal society in which we live has historically positioned women as competitors rather than allies, fostering an environment where aggression and mistrust become ingrained in female relationships. This is not a natural state but rather a conditioned response to the societal devaluation of women, where competition is subtly encouraged as a means of survival within a male-dominated world.
Interrupting: The act of interrupting can be understood as a reflection of the unconscious belief that a woman’s voice is less valuable. When women interrupt each other, it may be an unconscious replication of the way men have historically silenced women, internalizing the notion that their own voices must dominate to be heard. Psychoanalysis would suggest that by interrupting, women are not only silencing others but also suppressing their own capacity for empathy and connection.
Focusing on Looks: The obsession with appearance is a powerful example of how women have internalized the male gaze. This focus on looks is not just a superficial concern but a reflection of the deeper unconscious belief that a woman’s value is primarily tied to her physical appearance. This can be seen as a defense mechanism, a way to cope with the anxiety of not being valued for one’s intellect or contributions. Psychoanalytic theory would encourage us to explore the underlying anxieties and insecurities that drive this behavior, recognizing that by focusing on appearance, women may be unconsciously attempting to exert control over an aspect of themselves that society deems valuable.
Gaslighting: Gaslighting can be viewed as a defense mechanism that women use to avoid confronting uncomfortable truths about their own complicity in systems of oppression. When women gaslight each other, particularly across racial lines, it is often a way to maintain their own sense of security and identity within a racist system. This behavior reflects an unconscious attempt to deny the existence of systemic inequalities that might challenge one’s own position of privilege. By invalidating another woman’s experience, the gaslighter is protecting herself from the anxiety of confronting her role within a broader system of oppression.
Taking Things Personally: The tendency to take things personally can be seen as a form of narcissistic wounding, where one’s sense of self is so fragile that any criticism or challenge is perceived as a direct attack. This behavior often stems from unresolved conflicts within the psyche, where the individual’s self-worth is so closely tied to external validation that any perceived slight becomes a threat to their identity. In a patriarchal context, women may feel especially vulnerable to these threats, as their identities have often been shaped by societal expectations that they must constantly defend.
Not Doing Our Own Work: Psychoanalysis teaches that projection is a common defense mechanism, where individuals project their own insecurities and unresolved conflicts onto others. When women criticize or judge each other, it is often a reflection of their own internal struggles. By failing to address their own psychological wounds, women may inadvertently perpetuate the very behaviors they wish to overcome. This lack of introspection and self-awareness prevents the possibility of true solidarity and healing among women, as it keeps them trapped in a cycle of projection and defensiveness.
To break these patterns, women must engage in a process of collective healing that begins with introspection and self-awareness. By examining the unconscious motives that drive their interactions, women can begin to dismantle the internalized patriarchal structures that lead to division and mistrust. This process requires a commitment to understanding the ways in which society has shaped their behaviors and a willingness to cultivate empathy and solidarity with other women.
In doing so, women can create a space where their voices are truly honored and respected, where they can support one another in reclaiming their power and agency. This is not just about changing external behaviors but about addressing the deep-seated psychological wounds that have been inflicted by a patriarchal society. Through this process of healing, women can rise together, creating a new paradigm of mutual respect, understanding, and empowerment.
