The Worthiness Wound: A Psychoanalytic Perspective on Emotions and Empowerment
Many patients come to my office expressing some type of persistent inner voice questioning one’s right to go after what they want: "Who do you think you are?"
This pervasive self-doubt is not unique; it is a common psychological experience among those who dare to challenge societal norms and strive for personal growth. The belief that others are more qualified, more capable, and more deserving can create a paralyzing effect, stifling creativity and self-expression. Yet, intellectually, we recognize that these thoughts are not grounded in reality. We understand that our work is unique, that our voices matter, and that we are called to contribute in a way only we can. However, this understanding often fails to translate into the unshakable confidence we seek, leaving us oscillating between moments of self-assurance and periods of self-doubt.
In psychoanalytic terms, these oscillations reflect the ongoing internal conflict between the conscious mind, which recognizes our worth and potential, and the unconscious, which harbors deep-seated fears and insecurities. This internal struggle can lead to emotional exhaustion, particularly when the beliefs that trigger these emotions seem outdated or irrational. As individuals, particularly those who are sensitive or empathetic, we may find ourselves overwhelmed by these emotions, leading to emotional shutdowns, reactive behaviors, and self-sabotage.
In our emotionally illiterate culture, which prioritizes logic and rationality over emotional intelligence, it is no wonder that we struggle to navigate our feelings. The societal emphasis on controlling the mind rather than understanding the emotions has left many of us ill-equipped to deal with the emotional challenges that arise. Emotions, in their essence, are neutral; it is the meanings we assign to them that create a dichotomy of "good" and "bad." The failure to properly understand and process emotions can lead to the perpetuation of the very beliefs we seek to change, such as the worthiness wound.
The psychoanalytic approach recognizes that deeply ingrained beliefs are often rooted in unconscious memories and experiences, making them resistant to mere cognitive restructuring. Emotions serve as a gateway to these unconscious processes, providing us with insights into our deeper perceptions and guiding us toward healing. By addressing both our beliefs and our emotions, we can achieve lasting transformation, much like tending to a garden requires both surface-level weeding and deeper cultivation.
The cost of neglecting our emotions is significant. It leads to a distrust of our instincts, prevents us from addressing the core issues that require healing, and alienates us from the feminine aspects of our psyche, including intuition. This disconnection perpetuates the very beliefs we aim to overcome and results in erratic behaviors that harm ourselves and others. Moreover, it renders us incapable of effectively navigating life’s challenges as they arise.
The good news is that by learning to engage with and understand our emotions, we can begin to step into something new. This process involves embracing the full spectrum of emotions, including the uncomfortable ones, which ultimately enhances our capacity for joy and fulfillment. For those who identify as empaths or highly sensitive individuals, this work is especially crucial. Often, these traits develop as a response to childhood trauma, where heightened sensitivity serves as a survival mechanism. However, without the proper tools to manage these emotions, sensitivity can feel more like a curse than a gift, leading to feelings of overwhelm and a tendency to numb out.
Emotions are not directives; they are data points that reveal how we perceive our circumstances. It is vital to understand that just because we feel a certain way does not mean our perception is an accurate reflection of reality. By distinguishing between our emotional responses and objective truth, we reclaim our power and begin to navigate our emotions with greater clarity and purpose.
This approach does not absolve others from accountability in their interactions with us, but it encourages a more thoughtful and introspective response to our emotions before reacting. By sitting with our feelings and exploring their origins, we can address the root causes of our emotional responses and create space for healing and growth. This is the essence of the psychoanalytic process—transforming unconscious patterns into conscious awareness, allowing us to live more authentically and with greater emotional resilience.
In conclusion, emotions are not the enemy; they are a source of profound insight and potential healing. By dismantling the societal conditioning that teaches us to distrust our emotions and by cultivating a new relationship with ourselves, we can rise into our full potential. As I embark on this journey with Worthy Women Rise, I remain committed to untangling the worthiness wound, not by denying the feelings that arise, but by meeting them with the tools and understanding necessary for true transformation. This is the path to freedom, sovereignty, and ultimately, worthiness.
