The Significance of Impatience

Impatience manifests in various ways for different people. In my practice, I see impatience often emerge as either a self-directed frustration—“I know better, but I keep falling into the same patterns”—or as a dissatisfaction with life’s pace—“I’m doing everything right; why aren’t I seeing results?”

In my younger years, being called impatient felt like a compliment. To me, it signaled passion and drive. After all, what’s wrong with knowing what you want and wanting it immediately? As I grew older, I began to justify my impatience as ambition. We often have a deeply ingrained belief that patience equates to inaction, leading us to idolize impatience as the fiery catalyst for change.

However, the true repercussions of my impatience—stress, frustration, anxiety, panic attacks, binge episodes—revealed that impatience was not the virtuous trait I once thought it was. I needed to develop a new relationship with impatience.

Impatience Through a Psychoanalytic Lens

From a psychoanalytic perspective, impatience can be understood as a manifestation of underlying fears and unresolved conflicts. According to psychoanalytic theory, our emotional states are not just reactions to current events but are also shaped by unconscious dynamics. Impatience often reflects deeper anxieties about self-worth, control, and the fear of inadequacy.

A few months ago, while setting ambitious goals for the future, I felt a familiar surge of panicky urgency—“Why isn’t this happening faster? I want it now!” As I sat with these feelings, a small voice within asked, “Why do you doubt that you can achieve these things?” This moment of introspection revealed that impatience is not merely a lack of patience but rather an expression of underlying fear.

Psychoanalytic theory suggests that the root of impatience often lies in our unconscious fears and unmet childhood needs. The fear of not achieving our goals quickly can be traced back to unresolved issues of self-worth and self-efficacy. We may be subconsciously questioning whether we are deserving of success and fulfillment, and this fear manifests as impatience.

Reframing Patience

A Course in Miracles states, “Those who are certain of the outcome can afford to wait, and wait without anxiety.” This insight suggests that true patience is not simply the absence of impatience but the presence of trust and love. If we view patience through this lens, it becomes a state of inner confidence and self-assurance, rather than a passive resignation.

Impatience often arises from a place of fear and scarcity, where we feel unworthy or uncertain about our ability to achieve our goals. This fear-driven impatience can drive us to take hasty actions or abandon our efforts altogether when immediate results are not forthcoming. Instead of focusing on short-term gratification, true patience teaches us to trust in the long-term process and embrace the journey.

When we confront our impatience, we are essentially addressing our deeper fears about our worthiness and capabilities. By questioning, “Why don’t you believe this is possible for you?” we engage with the underlying fears that drive our impatience. This self-inquiry allows us to face and process these fears, leading to a deeper understanding of our self-worth.

The Healing Process

As we examine the roots of our impatience, we begin to see how our fears and unresolved issues influence our emotional responses. This process of introspection and self-awareness helps us to develop a healthier relationship with both patience and our goals.

When we address the fears underlying our impatience, we begin to trust in our own worth and capabilities. This shift allows patience to naturally integrate into our being, without force or anxiety.

Embracing this approach, we start to experience the true timing of life and realize that our desires are being fulfilled not through forceful impatience but through a balanced and trusting patience.

In conclusion, impatience is more than a fleeting emotional state; it is a reflection of deeper psychological dynamics and unresolved fears. By addressing these underlying issues and cultivating true patience, we can transform our relationship with both our goals and ourselves, leading to a more fulfilling and harmonious experience of life.