In moments of crisis—whether personal, societal, or global—many of us find ourselves reverting to old coping strategies. We may notice ourselves engaging in behaviors we thought we had outgrown, such as withdrawing from relationships, self-sabotaging at work, or seeking comfort in unhealthy habits. These patterns often feel automatic, as if they take over without our conscious consent, leaving us with a sense of disempowerment or even shame.

The tension between self-worth and the drive for self-improvement can be understood as a conflict that emerges from deeper, unconscious structures, often linked to early developmental experiences. The pursuit of growth and change can become a reflection of the internalized expectations and standards instilled by caregivers and societal pressures. These messages may convey that one's inherent value is contingent upon external achievements and productivity, fueling an endless cycle of striving.

Today, I want to delve into the concept of giving yourself permission to change your mind. Reflecting on my own life, I can see that allowing myself to completely scrap visions I had labored over and start anew has brought me closer to living a life in greater alignment. Conversely, clinging to an outdated idea of how things should be has created immense difficulties and despair.

The concept of the "worthiness wound" touches on deep psychological roots that shape our sense of self, particularly in the context of gendered socialization. From a psychoanalytic perspective, this wound can be seen as an internalized result of patriarchal structures that have, for centuries, dictated the value and role of women in society.

One of the most common concerns my clients bring to me is their relationship with money. They often express a deep-seated mistrust in their financial decisions, an inability to save or attract more money, and feelings of unworthiness when it comes to spending on themselves or their desires.

The worthiness wound represents a profound and often unconscious belief that we are inherently inadequate, broken, and unworthy of belonging. This deep-seated pain is typically formed during early childhood, when critical developmental experiences shape our core sense of self. Psychoanalytic theory suggests that this wound is not merely a surface issue but a significant part of our internal world, affecting our self-concept and interactions throughout life.

In the journey towards healing painful emotional wounds such as the worthiness wound, one profound and transformative idea is reconnecting with and nurturing our inner child. This approach can provide deeper insight into the origins of our emotional struggles and offer a pathway to profound healing.

Many patients come to my office expressing some type of persistent inner voice questioning one’s right to step into a position of influence and leadership: "Who do you think you are?"

Recently, out of curiosity, I Googled "how to overcome unworthiness" and was bombarded with advice that I found to be misleading or superficial. So, I want to break down the three biggest misconceptions for you, incorporating a psychoanalytic perspective to deepen our understanding of this complex issue.

From a psychoanalytic perspective, the narrative of self-suppression and the compulsion to conform emerges as a common thread in the lives of many women, shaped by deep-seated societal expectations and internalized patriarchal norms. The unconscious mind, often neglected in the rush to adapt to external demands, holds within it the roots of behaviors and patterns that seem inexplicable on the surface but are driven by the psyche’s attempts to reconcile inner desires with outer pressures.

When I was in 6th grade, I decided that I wanted to become a Buddhist. The idea that life is fundamentally rooted in suffering resonated deeply with me. As a sensitive and lonely child, I found solace in a belief system that acknowledged my pain. Buddhism seemed to meet me where I was, validating my experiences of suffering in a way that nothing else had.

As I delve deeper into the study of neurology, depth psychology, and trauma, I've identified a recurring theme in the psyche of many women who come into my practice —a pervasive psychological pattern I call the "worthiness wound." This wound lies at the core of a woman’s self-perception, manifesting as a form of self-objectification that deeply impacts her sense of identity and worth.

The dynamics of how women interact with one another have been heavily influenced by societal structures, particularly the patriarchal system. Psychoanalytic theory can offer insights into the unconscious processes at play in these interactions, revealing how deeply embedded societal norms shape our behaviors, often in ways we are not fully aware of.

We are living in turbulent times. Amidst a political climate that evokes fear and terror and a world rife with misunderstandings and ignorance, it is easy to feel overwhelmed and paralyzed.

How can one person make a difference against a seemingly insurmountable system? How can we take meaningful action while managing our current responsibilities? How can we advocate for our causes while dealing with family members who hold diametrically opposed views? Should our businesses become involved? What do we tell our children? Will our efforts even lead to significant change?